A pause from the noise

re-learning to sit still with myself and Allah

It’s the end of the year, and there’s something about endings and beginnings that evokes nostalgia and makes us reflect.

Not just on how far we’ve come, but also on where we want to go.

In the latter part of this year, I’ve been silently reflecting. Unable to put pen to paper, but sitting with the swirling thoughts in my head.

I’ve felt a little off balance this year. The first half of it felt non-stop. I barely wrote or read. I barely had made time to live slowly or indulge my mind in art and literature the way I’ve always loved to. In some ways, I lost myself a little.

Then came the second half of the year, which felt like a mandatory pause. One I didn’t invite but which forced itself upon me, making me stop, process and reflect.

Somewhere within that time, I learned to sit still within the chaos of life — with myself and, most importantly, with Allah. I learned to process rather than react, and to run to Allah rather than toward overthinking and confusion. I had to step back from the noise and constant motion, and remember the bigger picture.

It made me realise that at different points in your life, you must find new ways of connecting with Allah. It’s very different having a strong relationship with Allah when you’re deep within trials compared to when life feels more still. When your du’as are not being made from a place of desperation but rather from a place of deep trust.

Looking back and remembering how Allah got you through hard times, how He was with you every step of the way, drawing you close and granting you His company, leads to a deeper, more mature relationship with Him.

I’ve gotten through enough turbulent times to know that nothing lasts — not the good and not the bad. Allah’s help is always close. Closer than you expect.

I’m 25 now. I’m no longer 17 or 20. I’ve learnt that life is unpredictable and it always brings you surprises.

Last night I had this cookie dough cheesecake — I’m salivating as I remember it. As a dessert lover, I thought I had tasted it all, but that’s the best dessert I’ve had all year, and funny enough, I had it right as the year is coming to an end.

Today I watched a movie — probably one of the only movies I watched outside a theatre this year, that I actually watched with my full attention. But the premise of the movie made me emotional, and that’s what got me to write this piece. It’s one of those movies that makes you reflect on life and choices and destiny. It’s probably joining my re-watch-once-a-year list.

At different moments in the year, I’ve attempted to sit down and write something, anything, but it was like there was a blockage, and none of my ideas seemed to be easy to put into the right words. But here we are now. It feels good to write again.

It’s so reassuring to know that whatever life looks like right now, there is more good to come. Truly, you might not have lived your best day yet. You might not have discovered your favourite food or visited your favourite city yet. There might still be so much life left to live.

وَلَسَوْفَ يُعْطِيكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرْضَىٰٓ

And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied.

Qur’an (93:5)

We have no idea what Allah is preparing for us. Whether in this life or the next.

Have you considered the fact that just as Allah has prepared a blessing for you, He also prepares you to attain that blessing?

Some blessings are just too big to fumble and Allah knows you better than you know yourself, doesn’t He? In one way or another, we’re constantly being taught discipline.

I have so many thoughts on this, which I just have to save for a separate blog post.

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It’s been a year of adjusting over and over again in ways I had never considered. Next year will probably be the same. Isn’t that what life is about after all?

We’re constantly moving between seasons and between blessings that are rushing to reach us. You may find that you’re currently living in your answered du’as. And still, there are du’as that you’ve made in the past which you’ve likely forgotten, but Allah never forgets. Everything good takes time. Live in the moment, enjoy the journey and let your story unfold like it’s meant to.

The best traits I’ve learned to carry through each season are gratitude and patience. There will always be something to be grateful for, and there will always be something to be patient over.

It helps to remember these two verses:

وَمَا بِكُم مِّن نِّعْمَةٍۢ فَمِنَ ٱللَّهِ ۖ ثُمَّ إِذَا مَسَّكُمُ ٱلضُّرُّ فَإِلَيْهِ تَجْـَٔرُونَ

Whatever blessings you have are from Allah. Then whenever hardship touches you, to Him ˹alone˺ you cry ˹for help˺.

Qur’an (16:53)

فَٱصْبِرْ صَبْرًۭا جَمِيلًا

So be patient with a beautiful patience.

Qur’an (70:5)

Allah is all we have, and He is the Most Generous. He is constantly giving us. And when He withholds it is out of His Wisdom. Whether we are in a season of receiving or a season of waiting, gratitude and patience are our anchors.

Whatever the case may be, I pray that I always make time to sit still with myself and with Allah, reflecting and contemplating.

A closing question I’ll ask myself and you is: what parts of me exist now that couldn’t have existed without this year?

I think this year has brought out a version of me that doesn’t fixate on what comes next but embraces life as it is now.

This year, I was admitted to the Bar, finished my mandatory service, grew my business, travelled, explored new interests, and got out of my comfort zone.

All these things feel like markers of time passing.

Life moved, time did its work, and I was present for it (as much as I could be anyway).

Next year feels like a truly blank slate. The year will bring what it is meant to, and I will take from it what I am meant to. In Sha Allah.

(21/11/25 - Kadıköy pier. Sat by the sea with my sister for an hour, taking in the scenery, the sounds and the warmth of the sun. The most still I felt all year.)